dear internet, let me tell you some things about my public-school-in-georgia sex education.
pictured above is my abstinence til marriage card, given to me in my eighth grade health class. as you can see, i did not sign it, so it is non-binding. they were “optional” but the teacher placed the basket at the front of the class and stared us down. my 13-year-old self had a very brief dilemma between 1. making a stand and not getting one or 2. getting one because it’s fucking hilarious. i am very glad i chose the latter, because as i predicted, this is now something hilarious to show everyone.
that year in health we also learned “how to spot the identifying features of a crack baby” which is literally nothing but lies. we had a system of anonymous questions, and once someone asked “how do i know if i’m a lesbian?” our teacher looked disgusted and she replied “how would i know? i’m not a lesbian!”
EDIT i forgot to mention when she gave these to us she suggested we “cut up our cards together with our husbands on our wedding day” and i remember thinking, fuck if i marry someone from my middle school
the next time i had sex ed in high school it was taught by a dude gym coach who spent the whole time talking about his daughters. the book we were learning from listed “low self-esteem” “stunted social growth” and “depression,” among others, as consequences of premarital sex. at one point, it asked us to fill in the disadvantages of having an abortion. our teacher went, “well, i’m personally against abortion, so we’re just going to skip this section,” which confused me, because it was explicitly asking for an argument against abortion.
the last time i had sex ed it was pretty good and there were free condoms and we got little bottles of lube every time we answered questions, but i don’t think that counts cause it was in an intro to women’s studies class.
in my 8th grade health class we watched this video about abstinence and the slogan was “a condom can’t protect your heart”
Our school made us watch a video with some man talking about how virginity was like a flower and that whenever we had sex with someone we’d give a bit of that flower away. Then when we met someone we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with we’d just be left with a wilted stem and a couple of petals when we should be giving them a whole flower.
I really wish I was joking.
I FUCKING HAD ONE OF THESE
IN LIKE, 2006
In church they used to tell us that we were like cupcakes and if we were physically intimate with our partners it was like getting the icing licked off, and therefore no one would want you afterwards because no one wants a licked cupcake.
As funny as these stories are, I feel sorry for the kids who decide to have sex before marriage and then feel really bad because of this kind of shit that was drummed into them.
Fuck abstinence only sex ed.
ok but no one is going to mention the fact that the fucking card says “going for the gold”
as if staying abstinent until marriage earns you a fucking trophy or a medal
in my sex ed class we did this demonstration where they had this line of kids swish and spit out water and combine the nasty backwash to make this gross concoction as a metaphor for how sex before marriage makes you dirty and gross
fucking public education
I might as well add my church group. We had to open a kiss candy, put it in our mouth, melt it a little bit and then put it back in the wrapper. From their we had to hand it someone else and they explained, “this is what happens when you have sex before marriage. You have to give those dirty leftovers to your spouse.”
In my grade 8 “sex ed” class we all listened to the song “I dreamed a dream” from Les Mis and then the teacher was like THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU HAVE SEX and I really kind of wanted to do it just to see if I really would become a 19th century French prostitute with a beautiful singing voice
A couple things happened for my sex ed class. The first one i remember, this woman came in and help up a giant woopy cushion with a smiley face on it, and a long rope attached to the end. It was dubbed “Speedy the Sperm”. She she would go on explaining that if we had sex unprotected, speedy would be the name of our next kid.
There was also this demonstration with a fish. I dont remember EXACTLY what she compared it to, but she basically pulled the fish out and let it flop helplessly for a good 2 minutes. A friend of mine started yelling at her for animal cruelty and demanded she put it back. The woman refused unless my friend would sit back down and let her continue with her demonstration.
Is it really necessary that our Sex Ed class requires such elaborate examples?
Apperiently, My Arcade HorseDick Skills are soaring rainbow-y goodness today.
Here’s the next Fic to my series of League fics. Bluh. HAVE AT THEE.